MORE Health Advice From Lewis Black

"Hey, Lew, your smallpox vaccine has worn off. You want another?"
Um, let me think. Yeah, you're fucking right I want another because, until now, my whole life has been a delusion. Every day I would wake up and say, "It's gonna suck today, but at least I won't get smallpox."
Here's how long it took the government to tell us about this concern. Imagine going to a public bathroom only to flush the toilet and have the toilet water hit you in the face. Then, as you walk out of the bathroom, you see a big sign on the back of the door that reads WARNING: TOILET WATER MAY HIT YOU IN THE FACE. But that's how things work in this country. We get our government-issued goggles only after diluted piss stings our eyes.